Affirmation

By
Shanai Williams

Loved.

I want to be loved.
At times I feel so far from it.

And I say “at times” because I don’t want to put the wrong phrases into the universe.
Because it feels like no matter how many times I write
And say
And preach that I am loved,
In whispers or shouts, or prayers.

The only place I feel consistency
Is from my own heart.

It is hard to love myself
And everyone else,

While everyone else is loving themselves too.

Who am I to be loved by if not by me?
If not by someone as direct,
If not by someone as passionate.
If not by someone as honest

Honest with themselves.
With me.

Who am I to be loved by if not by me?

I know this. I know I deserve love. I know I am capable of it.
I know I give the shit I expect and expect the shit I deserve.

I know people
From my mother to my romantic relationships, to my former friends,
They fall short.

Short of the love that I ask for,
The care that I seek
And the honesty that I need.

How can I be loved by anyone who has failed to fully fall in love with themselves?

I want to be loved.
To be cared for, held and nurtured.
But I do that already.

I wanted to be mommy’d
But I am here already.

I’ve learned to become the things
I’ve always needed, the things
I’ve longed for and all that I deserve.

I want my plus.

The addition to my love and life
That is already complete.

Here at school, they want me to have enough to fill my cup
So that I can pour into others
But God, I want my cup to overflow.

I want to be so full and abundantly favored
That this writing grows wings
Flies off
And comes back to me anew

Comes back to me anointed.
So that I never have to beg for or remember
The sort of love
And the sort of life I deserve to live.

There is pain in my writing,
Driving this point home.
And one day when I put pen to paper it won’t be for this,
For this much healing or care

One day I will put pen to paper
And it will be because my cup,
My joy,
Hath overflown and I don’t know where else to put it.
Or how else to frame it

And the days after that I will do it again and again.

I am mothered by me.
And I am enough.

I am nurtured by me.
And I am enough.

I am prioritized by me.
And I am enough.

And I will never stop being enough. And I will never stop being enough. And I will never stop being enough.

Because I am Love.
Because I am Love.
Because I am Love.
Because I am Love.

Text © Shanai Williams 2024. All Rights Reserved.