How it feels to not live somewhere:
Bags.
You live in bags.
You don’t sleep comfortably.
You hide.
You ask: where is, when do, and to touch.
You can’t cry
Comfortably.
You don’t cry.
You don’t smile either.
You’re skittish.
You walk carefully.
On eggshells. Then pick them up after, so it doesn’t inconvenience the next person who walks there.
So you don’t leave a trace of yourself there.
So no one knows you’re there.
You don’t get upset.
You comply.
You comply when you’re upset.
Your upset is quiet.
You quiet, has no place here either.
Too quiet if you're not smiling.
Too smiley and you’re missing something. Taking something for granted.
Comply because you have no place here.
You live in bags.
You go where they go.
Your things move,
You move.
Straight like that.
Quiet but grateful.
Anger has no place here.
Grief can’t show on your face here.
You have no face here.
No freedom here.
No free time here.
You: an extension of the person who brought you here.
You don’t demand here.
You sit pretty here.
Not too pretty and not for too long will you be sitting here.
You don’t walk around naked here.
Anyone will walk in whenever they want here.
You have no rights here.
You wait for directions here.
You’re told how to live here and if you’re not told you figure it out here.
But you should still know better here.
Still say yes here.
Know what you should be doing here.
Without complaint.
No second-guessing or questioning here.
But you don’t have to be so uptight here.
Act light here.
Smile, remember?
Smile.
Don’t breathe or take your time here.
Be on top of things here.
Be here.
Smile.
Find the balance on foreign land here.
Uncharted territory is here.
Now You here.
Taking up space.
Move here.
No. Here.
Move,
You not from here,
Move from there.
MOVE.
And take your bags with you.
By Shanai Williams
Hailing from the Bronx, NYC, Shanai Williams is a deeply spiritual and fiercely free creative. With one hand in the ether and the other grounded in community, she is committed to cultivating spaces where Black artists of all ages can connect, showcase their work, and be valued beyond a dollar sign.
Shanai finds art in everything and thrives when blending multiple mediums to create something new. She practiced this interdisciplinary approach by designing her own major—Creative Storytelling—at Wheaton College (MA). Since graduating, she has remained dedicated to producing work that is honest, reflective, and rooted in her connection to the world and those around her.
When not creating, Shanai is in community—often in deep conversation with strangers, exchanging passions and envisioning new possibilities for the world.