By Shanai Williams
In a world where you want to cheat on your girlfriend
Just to kiss me
Is a world where I would reject you,
But say I'm flattered.
It’s the same world where I’d ask
If you were just trying to stroke my ego
And the same world where I’d let you know
That it's nice to hear you’d still fold,
Just for me.
And although it’d be gratifying to know
That I have that power over you,
That allure,
I’d tell you you’re just like my daddy.
I’d tell you
I don’t want to just be a side,
And ask you why
You didn’t treat me right the first time.
In this world you’d tell me you were young
And… I would agree
You’d insist that 2 years later you know differently
That now you love me,
And can say it.
Of course that’s only after I remind you that all I ever wanted from you
Was to be loved
All I ever wanted
Was to hear you say it.
To proclaim it.
To mean it.
To try.
In this world, you say it easily.
But it doesn’t sway me
Because I'm 2 years older too.
In this world
I still look at you like you’re 19
And me 21
Still wanting to live in a world where
You’re my sun and I'm waiting for you to set
So I could finally be the twinkle in your eye
But in this world,
I remember how you never set…tled down for me
Never got to really see me
Fully, and on purpose
Only acknowledging my beauty in passing
On your way back to whatever it was that always seemed to be more important to you
Than me.
I’ll remember how it took you 2 years
To tell me some form of the truth.
To want to come to terms with it in some way for yourself.
So in this world,
When you pout
And protest lovingly,
Perhaps secretly upset, asking
Why the you now,
In this world, like this
Is not enough?
I’ll tell you
That as much as you’ve grown up
I was hoping you had also grown inward a lot more.
That the soul work you’ve done is phenomenal, and still–
I’ll take a moment to collect my words and thoughts.
Then look into your pretty eyes before resting my forehead on yours and say
“I want to be able to switch bodies with you
And still feel comfortable
Like
I want to feel the same warmth I feel pooling inside of me
For me,
In your heart, in your body,
As I take residence in you.
I know you love my love.
But I want to love yours too.
I want you to love yours too.”
It's in this world where you still hold a place in your mind
Or your heart
For me…
That I unfortunately can see how nothing has changed,
Beyond the time, place, and circumstance.
In this world, just like the timeline you left me in two years ago,
I am alone.
And this “love” isn't strong enough to hold us both.